Post Surgery Week 6: The Scorpion and the Frog

Thursday, June 27

There’s an old fable about a scorpion and a frog.  The scorpion asks the frog to give him a ride across the river.  The frog is suspicious, and afraid that the scorpion will sting him.  But the scorpion makes an argument that seems reasonable, saying, “if I sting you, we would both die”, so the frog agrees.  Halfway across the river, the scorpion stings the frog, dooming them both.  The frog asks the scorpion, “why did you do that, for surely, now we will both die?”  The scorpion answers, “I couldn’t help it, it is in my nature”.

What is not in my nature is the latest advice from Lindsey, the PT, yesterday, which was this:  do nothing.  Do nothing?  Do nothing!  Do nothing?  It’s just not - NOT - in my nature.

When I saw Heather on Monday, she acknowledged, “some people like this recovery period, since they love to just sit in front of the TV”.  Somebody kill me now.  I can binge watch stuff with the best of them, but just mindless hours in front of the tube make me crazy.  In fact, I am so weary of binge watching the stuff I’m binge watching (The Great British Baking Show, Outlander, Victoria, Castle, Mash, and heaven knows how many bad movies with just a few gems thrown in), I couldn’t force myself to watch the debates last night.

Many years ago, a New Yorker author mentioned, in a piece in the Talk of the Town, the somewhat idyllic idea of wishing to go to prison so that he could catch up on his reading.  That was followed up a couple of years ago by a similar cartoon.  https://condenaststore.com/featured/new-yorker-march-13th-2017-lars-kenseth.html

I’ve often thought that it would be perfect to have an excuse to do nothing but catch up on my reading, but after five full weeks, I’m starting to wonder how great that whole thought was anyway.  I’ve finished six books, started yet another, and have dabbled in a few more, and still have a stack in front of me.  Good Lord.  Can’t I just take a walk between chapters?  Well, according to all my medical experts the answer is:  no.

I’ve spent much of the last several years dreaming about retirement:  the ability to sleep in, spend my days doing whatever I want, reading, watching movies in the middle of the day - in the middle of the week!  But those dreams of retirement also include activity!  Running, travel, hikes, skiing, gardening, birding, boating:  you name it, there’s little I don’t want to do.  But after five full weeks on my backside (courtesy, at least financially, of the wonderful short term disability insurance I’m blessed with), I’m ready to be done with this pretend retirement.  It’s not so much that I’m longing to work again, I’m just longing to do ANYthing that is not nothing.

Ah well, you'll have to excuse me:  it’s time to close this post.  I really, really must get back to doing nothing.  Even if it’s not in my nature.